Heard, helped, healed. How these three come together in times of trouble are revealed when we read the following few stories.
A sponsor was called upon to do a 12th Step call for a man at the 12 Palms Hotel. Taking a sponsee with him, both men found the drunkard in his hotel room, sick, drunk and dirty. The room was much the same: bottles strewn everywhere, feces and clothes in a tumble.
The sponsor took his time with the drunk, chatting up the Program, sobriety and a message of hope. He handed the man his card with the name, address and time of the next meeting he would be attending. In closing the sponsor said, “I hope to see you there soon!”
Walking away after they left, the sponsee said to the sponsor, “Well, that was sure a waste of time.”
About 2 weeks later, while at the meeting the sponsor recommended, a newcomer showed up. A newcomer with only a few days of sobriety. This newcomer came to the sponsor, handing him the very card he left at 12 Palms.
The sponsor exclaimed, “You’re not the guy I spoke with!” The man answered, “No, I’m not. I was under the bed. I heard every word you said.”
The message was heard. Someone was helped. Someone found healing.
* * *
A friend of mine was 28 years in the Program when her entire life collapsed. Her career took a nosedive. Her lover left her for another. She was about to be evicted from her home which turned out to be an illegal housing unit. Everything was circling ‘round the drain. As we do in Alcoholics Anonymous, she came to a meeting. Sobbed her little heart out for the entire hour. At the end of the meeting, the young man sitting next to her said, “Don’t worry Honey. It gets better.” The young man only had 7 days.
Oldtimer with 28 years or newcomer with 7 days, we can carry the message when needed most. It's not a matter of years in our Program. The number of years is simply a string of days. When the going gets tough, as it will and it does, those days are recorded in terms of minutes: One minute at a time.
Sitting next to a person in a meeting, we don’t know what lies behind the face. Once we start sharing, we can’t tell who among us will be helped. The person you help might be sitting next to you.
Before the Cabin meeting started, I sat next to a woman with whom I engaged in the usual banter about the weather, where we lived, and how great it is to be sober. That kind of thing. Later on, I shared about Teleservice; how volunteers are needed; and my joy at answering the phone, helping others by listening. In this process, they are heard and helped – as I am also.
Right after my share, my neighbor spoke. She confirmed how Teleservice saved her life. In desperation 6 months previous, she called. A woman answered and gave her directions to the Cabin meeting. That’s how she got there those months ago. She relayed how the Teleservice person called her back to hear her story, to soothe her, and bring much needed relief. “Today I have 6 months of sobriety. I found my way here because someone heard me. Someone helped me. And that someone is sitting next to me. Thank you, Christine.”
Often my sponsor reminds me, “It’s not about You!” Particularly, when whining about this person or that, some wound or another. “It’s not about you,” is followed with, “Maybe this is happening so you can smooth the way for someone else. So you can relieve their burdens.” My shoulders straighten at that one. Often I can help you more than I can help myself. My experience benefits others and a 9th Step promise comes true.
That’s the elegance of our Program. A problem shared is a problem halved – which is why we leave feeling lighter after a meeting, or a time out with one’s sponsor or good friend. From there, we are heard. We are helped. Healing is found.
Published: January 1, 2025 https://aasfmarin.org/heard-helped-healed